Mistakes.

I've made a lot of them. Over these 21 years I feel like I've made enough to make any eighty year old man cringe. From turning left on red to leaving home when I was sixteen years old, the mistakes that make up the man I am today are only part of what everyone goes through everyday. I'm nothing special because my feelings are "so strong" or because I think "my heart is breaking". I'm no different than the man sitting next to me on the bus. My hurt doesn't matter any more than yours or his or hers. There's nothing to be said for me. You can't vouch for my innocence. There really isn't any.
However. Giving up is out of the question. No more can be said for me than this. I'm a terrible human being. I've broken people like a child breaks his or her favorite toy. I've stolen the happiness from people's hearts and spit in their faces. I've taken advantage of the people over and again. I've lied, cheated, hated, cursed, destroyed...and everything else everyone else has done. I've given up before. I've thought, what's the point? I've given in to my weaknesses and pretended nothing matters. I've thrown the white flag.

And I've never felt more regret in my life.

There's been a lot going on since Christmas. I've hit a high C in full voice correctly, I've made it to the finals with an amazing partner at ACTF, I've gotten a job in Hershey, PA for the summer paying more money than I really should ever have in my posestion. I've become more confident in who I am as a person, whatever that may mean to you, to me it means I really don't have the same worries I had before. And that's nice. I've made some huge accomplishments and some huge mistakes. I've broken someones heart and I've repaired my own. I've picked up reading again, and pokemon games. I started a bible study for myself and hope others may join with me. Everything is more fun with others.
Life is nuts. But that's the usual. I don't think I can really handle life when it's happy go lucky and there's nothing to fight for. There should always be something to fight for. It's one of those things I have to trust God on, because when I get to heaven one day, and there's nothing wrong to right, I don't know what I'm going to do. HAHA. I'm sure it will be great.
John Mark means Broken Warrior. I really like my name. And One day I'll lay down the sword I guess. But until that day, I would just rather keep up the fight than sit at home just content watching the grass grow.